MEHULENTERPRISE

There are three guys and they are out having relaxing day fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish. One of the guys just does not believe it, and says, “Ok, if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.” The mermaid says, “Done.” Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analysing it with extreme insight. The second guy is so amazed that he says to the mermaid, “Triple my I.Q.” The mermaid says, “Done.” The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping all the scientists of varying fields like physics, chemistry, etc. The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends that he says to the mermaid, “Quintuple my I.Q.” The mermaid looks at him and says, “You know, I normally do not try to change people’s minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you had reconsider.” The guy says, “Nope, I want you to increase my I.Q. times five and if you do not do it, I will not set you free.” “Please,” says the mermaid, “You do not know what you are asking. It will change your entire view on the universe. Will you not ask for something else, a million dollars, anything?” But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his I.Q. increased by five times its usual power. So the mermaid sighed and said, “Done.” And he became a woman.

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband’s best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they are just lying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens only hearing her side of the conversation. She is speaking in a cheery voice. “Hello? Oh, hi. I am so glad that you called. Really? That’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye.” She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, “Who was that?” “Oh” she replies, “That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he is having on his fishing trip with you.”

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?” The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I do not wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I have ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?” The mourner took a moment to collect him and then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, “What are we going to do?” “Nothing,” said the husband. “The lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out of it.”

One day he was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor building when a man came running in to his office and shouted, “Hey, your daughter sweetie just died in an accident. He was in panic and not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window. While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he did not have a daughter named sweetie. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married. When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not hey.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger.” The man now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Once he was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles, the next day three miles, the following day less than a mile. Then the foreman asked him, “Why you kept painting less each day?” He replied, “I just cannot do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can.”

A friend asked, “What's the matter, you look depressed?” A man replied, “I am having trouble with my wife.” He asked again, “What happened?” The man replied back, “She said she was not going to speak to me for 30 days.” The friend said, “But that ought to make you happy.” The man said, “It did, but today is the last day.”

A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, “If you do not promise to send us $1,00,000, I swear that we will kidnap your wife.” The poor man wrote back, “I am afraid I cannot keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours.”

A blonde girl was giggling behind another woman at the ATM center. She said, “Ha, ha! I have seen your password.” Another one asked, “What is it?” She replied, “Its four ****.” Another one replied, “No! You are wrong. It is 2468.”

Patient: What are the chances of my recovering doctor? Doctor: One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I have treated. The others all died.

Teacher: Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon? Student: The moon. Teacher: Why? Student: The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the daytime when we do not need it.

Interviewer: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? Millionaire: I owe everything to my wife. Interviewer: Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her? Millionaire: A billionaire.

College Student: How was your blind date? Roommate: Terrible, he showed up his 1932 Rolls Royce. College Student: Wow, that is a very expensive car. What is so bad about that? Roommate: He was the original owner.

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: Darling, it is very kind of you but I do not have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that is because we are not married yet.

Teacher: You talk a lot. Student: It is a family tradition. Teacher: What do you mean? Student: Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher. Teacher: What about your mother? Student: She is a woman.

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father did not punish him? Student: Because George still had the axe in is hand.

When Titanic was drowning, an Italian asked a Brit, “How far is the land?” Brit replied, “Two kilometers.” Italian jumped into the sea and asked again, “Which direction?” Brit replied back, “Downwards.”

Question: What men want? Answer: A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a woman who loves him, and a system to make sure that those three women meet each other.

Never kiss a policewoman because she will say, “Stop, hands up.” Never kiss a nurse because she will say, “Next please.” Always kiss a teacher because she will say, “Repeat five times.”

A girl removed her jeans and threw it at her boyfriend and said, “Make me feel like a woman.” The boy removed his jeans too and threw it to his girlfriend and replied, “Wash both jeans.”

A man returns a book to a library. He bangs it on a table and says, “Too many characters and no story at all”. A librarian says, “So you are the one who took the telephone directory.”

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Question: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

It is easy to tell if a man is married or not, just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him and if both his hands are on the wheel then you can be sure that he is married.

In twelve children of a man, one looks different. When his wife is on the deathbed, he asks her, “Just tell me now whose son he is?” His wife replies, “This is the only one of yours.”

Two friends had a time bomb to explode. One asks, “Hey, if this bomb is exploded here then what will happen?” Other replies, “Do not worry pal, I have another one in the spare.”

Wife: You tell a man something and it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. Husband: You tell a woman something and it goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

A woman carries a photo of her husband with her because when ever she is trouble; she can look at the photo and think that if she can face this then she can face anything.

Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. Doctor: What is your problem? Patient: I keep forgetting things. Doctor: Since when do you have this problem? Patient: What problem?

A man bunks his office and comes home early and finds his wife in bed with his boss. He rushes back to the office and tells his colleagues that he was almost caught.

A man’s wife died. Her husband was calm but her lover was moaning and crying consistently. Finally, her husband consoled him, “Do not worry, I will marry again.”

In the beginning, god created earth and rested. Then god created man and rested. After that god created woman and since then, neither god nor man has rested.

Wife: What is your excuse for coming home at this time of the night? Husband: Golfing with friends, my dear. Wife: At 2 AM? Husband: Yes, we used nightclubs.

A foreigner had very spicy Indian dinner. Next morning he came out of toilet and said, “Now I know why Indian use water, bloody tissue papers can catch fire.”

Old aunts used to come up to me in weddings and say, “You are next, you are next.” They stopped saying that when I said the same thing to them at funerals.

Student: How should I convey the news to my father that I have failed? Friend: You just send a telegram, ‘Result declared, past year’s performance repeated’.

The height of positive attitude: A bird in the sky dropped his shit on my eye, I do not worry, and I do not cry because I am just happy that cows do not fly.

So he is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he might be thinking? ‘Oh, today again I will have to fall.’

Question: Why he is the best secret agent in the world? Answer: Because even under torture he cannot remember what he has been assigned to?

There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.

Man: When I die, I want to die like my grand father who died peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving.

Husband: Would you have married me if my father had not left me a fortune? Wife: Honey, I had have married you no matter who left you a fortune.

Two men were walking together. First man: I think my girl friend and wife are coming together. Second man: I was going to say the same thing.

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine’.

Teacher: Can anybody give an example of coincidence? Student: Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day and at the same time.

Question: Why he has see-through lunch box lids? Answer: So that when he is on the train he can tell if he is going to work or coming home.

One day he asked his friends to give him all their burnt out light bulbs because he just bought a camera and wanted to set up a darkroom.

Director: In the last scene you have to jump from the 13th floor. Actor: But I may die. Director: It will not matter; it is the last scene of the film.

Once a man was running over black and white stripes of zebra crossing again and again. He was thinking, ‘Why this piano is not playing?’

Son: What is the difference between the truth and the belief. Father: This is your mom and it is the truth, I am your dad and that is my belief.

Women are unpredictable, before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.

Wife: What will you do if I die? Husband: Probably, I will die too. Wife: Why? Husband: Sometimes too much happiness is also fatal.

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Student: Brotherly love.

Man: I want a pink curtain for my computer screen. Salesman: But sir, computers do not need curtains. Man: Hello, I got windows.

Girl: My classmate says I am pretty. My neighbour says I am ugly. What do you think? Boy: A bit of both. I think you are pretty ugly.

One day he was sitting in a bar and his cellular phone rang, so he picked it up and said, “Hello, how did you know I was here?”

Wife: I think my husband has an affair with his secretary. Maid: No! I cannot believe this. You are telling this to make me jealous.

Girl: Have you ever had a hot passionate burning kiss? Friend: I did once. He had forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

Man: You remind me of the sea. Woman: Because I am wild, romantic, and exciting? Man: No, because you make me sick.

Wife: How did you manage to come home so early? Husband: My boss lost his temper and said ‘Go to hell’ so I came home.

Teacher: Now, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Student: No sir, I do not have to, my mom is a good cook.

Before marriage made for each other, after marriage made for each other, and in the future mad because of each other.

The human brain is the most outstanding thing; it functions 24 hours right from the time you were born until you fall in love.

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else? Boyfriend: Dead sure, I checked the whole list again yesterday.

Wife: It seems husband and wife is not allowed to be together in heaven. Husband: That is why it is called heaven.

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Student: A teacher.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing that either the car is new or the wife.

A marriage is when a man and a woman become as one, but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

If a blonde girl wants to dial 9820098200 then how can she dial? First, she dials 98200 and than presses redial.

There was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, then it was too late.”

Girl: I think the poorest people are the happiest. Boy: Then marry me and we will be the happiest couple.

A man was standing below a tube light with an open mouth because his doctor advised him to eat light.

What frustrates a man when his wife delivers twins? He wonders who is the father of the second child?

Father: Let me see your report card. Son: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

Son: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? Father: I do not know son but I am still paying.

Girl: If we become engaged will you give me a ring? Boy: Sure, what is your phone number?

On marriage every wife treats her husband as god but later the alphabets are reversed.

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? Customer: What other colours do you have?

Girl: Darling, I want to dance like this forever. Boy: Do not you ever want to improve?

Boy: I would go to the end of the world for you. Girl: Yes, but would you stay there?

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Girl: Say you love me. Say you love me. Boy: You love me.

Boy: May I hold your hand? Girl: No thanks; it is not heavy.

Man is incomplete until he is married, then he is finished.

Boy: I love you and I could die for you. Girl: How soon?